Almost there

My mom says it's totally different but I feel like I am going to a party with people I don't know without my own car, so I am stranded. It sucks. But I am starting to feel less anxious a little bit. Right now I'm mostly anxious about getting all my last minute things packed, forgetting important items, and spending quality time with everyone before I go. It makes me anxious that lots of people want to see me before I leave...I feel like there is not enough time in the day to see everyone and pack and chill out a bit. I need some time to collect myself! But really I do want to see everyone.

I am taking little momentos of my family to remind me of them...so if you are reading this and I don't have something from you, hook it up! I am taking a little clay box that my dad made, a picture in a frame of me and Jare, and my prayer beads to remind me of home and keep me grounded. Plus I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of praying!! I am taking a photo album with all my friends, family, and each puppy and lizard. You are probably in there and don't even know it. And most importantly, I am taking my mom's 22 year sobriety chip that she presented me with 2 years ago (she has 24 years now. GO MOM!!!!) at CA. It will remind me that medical school is a small feat compared to what she went through to get sober, while raising 2 kids all alone, maintaining 3 jobs and going to school full time. What an amazing woman my momma is. I should be so lucky to turn out like her. That chip will help me get through all of this.

I am really bummed that I don't have one of my grandpa's lucky rocks that he carried around in his pocket for probably 40 years. I miss him like crazy and wish he could be here now. Maybe he is.

My cute girl Cyrus left me her own momento too. While packing I found a bone buried in my clothes and had a big meltdown. I love that girl. I left it there.

I have some great friends. In the last week I had a dinner party, went out with my friends, and last night Ty and Jare cooked us dinner at Ty and Jennies. I love all these crazy people in my life. I'll include some pics in this post...I have hundreds so I'll narrow it down to a few or ten ;)

One week from today...

I can't believe how fast time has gone by since I got my acceptance to MERP. I am trying to be really positive about the journey I am about to embark on. I am very excited, but very anticipatory at this point. This is my dream and two years away from Jared isn't THAT long. And 4 years away from my family is nothing compared to a lifetime. Utah will always be my home and I'll look forward coming back here to buy a home with the love of my life (close to my momma and puppies of course!). Haha.

I thought right now would be the perfect time to post some pictures of my future school and the island of Dominica...presuming that I kick ass in the Bahamas in these next few months (I will) and advance on to the September class!

Not white beaches but just as beautiful

This is the "hiking" island...many pictures like this.

Beautiful rivers

Welcome to the jungle...an old volcanic island

The upper and lower deck of the university

Apartments on the island for students

Ross U School of Medicine

Foggy Dominica from a plane

Isn't it obvious?

I don't want to go because of these people. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm excited when I'm not. I may be a Negative Nelly right now, but I am being honest. I am terrified. Any other person would probably be excited to leave and experience another culture...but I've always gone against the grain anyway. I'm not a conformist in any way. I believe my beliefs and values are the reason I was accepted to this medical program. I was brutally honest in my interview...talking about how I was raised by a single mother, my father was incarcerated, and I was a non-religious person living in state that highly values religion.

I have been through many hardships in my life. And I have experienced more deaths in my 25 years than a person should experience in a lifetime. I chose this career so that I can help people live long, happy and fulfilling lives. The value of human life is inestimable. I have to keep reminding myself of this, or I won't go!

Jare and the family threw me an amazing party. His cute mom and sister decorated the church tables all in purple (my fav color), and if that wasn't enough, they got me Cadbury eggs and made me blonde brownies. My three vices in life (ok...I have a temporary 4th, until I can get my anxiety under control) are treats, the best being cadbury eggs, fine coffee, and diet coke with lime! Gosh I hope they have DCL in the Bahamas and the Dominica. Oh, Mare and Brent were sweet enough to purchase all the delicious food for my party too (Thanks again you guys...love you)...and plenty of DC and fresh cut limes. I love my family. Originally I had intended for this blog to be for other students wanting to go to medical school, but I'm starting to realize that my love for my family might be kind of boring to other people...so maybe it'll just be a blog for you guys ;)

Cute Jare was so considerate and got me fruits, veggies, and a main course since I'm such a pain and require a "well-balanced meal" for dinner! Although I drive him nuts, he still caters to my quirky habits (demands lol). He picked out tons of fruit and veggies, including my favorite salad, made his delicious home-made enchiladas, a spin-off of skootchiladas ;), and cut up lots of limes for diet coke. And he planned the whole shebang! I love that man.

Jare, Mom, and Schad time...Skiing

Have I said how much I love my family? We went skiing for the first time this season...kinda ridiculous, but we got busy. Jare is working his butt off tutoring/disciplining/and now teaching PE! (Grats Jare!) and working as a lifty at Solitude...and on top of all of this he is going to school full time. So proud of him. Mom is working for Choice Humanitarian now, on top of running the Laney Apts, MAD Apts, starting her Real Estate business, and taking care of all the dogs! Schaddy D is rockin' it at Office of the President at ebay and going to school full time. He keeps saying it is the "end of an era" because I am moving, Jare is moving back to Laney (yay) and he is considering moving to Cali to become best friends with the CEO of ebay. He is funny. I love brother even if he is self-centered and annoying 99% of the time.

I LOVE my family. Sometimes I think maybe the reason I don't want kids is because I love my family soooo much that I literally have no more love to give. That sounded really cynical...but isn't a blog like a journal? Kinda? Just sayin'. There are about a million other reasons I don't want kids if that helps at all. But this is for another post! Anyway, we had a riot skiing. Mom's friend Heather was able to join us and the 5 of us had a riot. Jare and Mom: this is an official request for ski's for Christmas for when I come home for the Holidays this year ;)

My going away party!

Jennie threw me the best going away party a girl could ask for... and I didn't even get drunk and cry. I was told by my mom that if I got drunk and cried, she was leaving. I wanted to remember the night, so I did really well. There was dancing, bull riding, and a lot of laughs. Thanks to all my family and friends. I love you all more than you will ever know.

Here I go I guess...

I'm not too thrilled about the path I've chosen at this point in my life. I have always wanted to become a medical doctor, but I never fully accepted or realized I guess that this might entail leaving my family and friends. I am excited to embark on my journey, but wish that my dream wasn't taking me so far from my fiance, my family, my friends, and my babies (9 dogs, 3 water dragons and one cat).

I will be going to MERP at Ross University School of Medicine. MERP is a program that gives people who have a red flag in their file for some reason, a chance to prove themselves. It stands for Medical Education Review Program. I and about 100 others from all over the world are going to attend this program beginning April 1st 2011 in Freeport on the Grand Bahama island. The courses are those offered in the 1st semester of medical school, are very rigorous, and are 4 months in duration. If we do well, we will matriculate at Ross University SOM in the Dominica island of the Caribbean Fall 2011. If we don't do well, we are out. WHEN I survive MERP, I will go to the Dominica, referred to as "The Rock" (it is an old volcanic island), for 16 months. Then, I will participate in U.S. clinical rotations in one of four--or all four places for 2 years. These include Miami, Michigan, New York City, and Atlanta.

So why am I here? I am here because I made a series of bad choices out of high school after my best friend, Brandon, was killed in a tragic car accident. To put it simply, I effed up. I partied without considering the consequences of my actions and got very poor grades as a result. Over the past few years, my grades have been excellent, but in the grand scheme of things, it was not enough to make up for the past. Ross is going to give me the opportunity of a lifetime--the only school out of 18 U.S. universities.

I do not however, regret what I have done to bring myself here. There are no mistakes. I am here for a reason, though I am not sure what that is at this point. My mom and dad raised me to believe that everything happens for a reason. All my poor choices have taught me what I am made of. I never would have known the true definition of hard work, perseverance, and resilience if I hadn't made my way from the bottom up. Hopefully the rest of my posts won't be so sappy!!